So camping was actually fun even though it rained a lot and the ground is much harder than I imagined :) My hip is so sore from sleeping on the ground and my butt hurts from sitting on picnic benches and lawn chairs! We ended up buying our own tent, rather than borrowing Jacob's parents - not that they wouldn't have let us use theirs, but this way we can go more often and everything. Over all I didn't mind 'roughing it' and I think it'd be a lot of fun to go with a big group of friends sometime - anyone else like camping & have stuff to camp with?

The only bad part was that Saturday morning we woke up to little drips of water leaking through the rainfly (the part that is supposed to keep the rain out!)! Jacob went to Wal-Mart at like 7 that morning and bought a tarp and put it over the tent and we didn't have any leak problems after that. We took the tent back today; though, and we're going to go get a better one from a better place! It was just super muddy and sucked being stuck in the tent while it rained, but I did get quite a bit of reading done! :)

I came back to find a rejection letter from a job I applied for - wonderful! Oh well - job hunting SUCKS and by the time I find one it'll be time to start student teaching anyways!

For some reason I thought camping would be a great Memorial Weekend activity. So Jacob & I are setting up our tent along with Bethany (Jacob's sister) and her husband's tent and sharing a Lake Wazeecha camp site. I want to have fun; but, I'm going to be on the rag, not able to shower in my own shower, and sleeping on the ground!

I NEED A FREAKING JOB! I'm so sick of getting turned down because I can only work this summer - I'm student teaching in August - and no one wants temporary help around here. I feel bad fibbing or just not telling them I need to leave, but there's really no other option at this point.

Also - that Gmail offer that is on the home page after you sign in on here - you girls should all get one. The accounts are selling on Ebay for at least $50 a piece. I got one and Jacob is selling it right now - if you want to get one and then have him sell it let me know. Apparently, the memory space is huge and lots of people want one.

No, Urs, you are right. I remember when Eric Miller would always tell me how stupid I was for feeling whatever it was I happened to be feeling at the moment. You can be pissed off at whatever you need to be pissed at. Like when people call the hotel and
A) have music playing so loud they can't hear me
B) are old and can't hear me
C) speak a language other than English
D) call 95 times in a 3-minute period because they are fighting with a guest.
These things may seem trivial, but they get old real fast. And when people are like "You should have more patience," I'm like "Fuck you, because none of the guests are patient with me." If you come to the front desk and cop an attitude, act like a miserable bitch, or complain to me that you licked the carpet and it tastes bad, I reserve the right to treat you like the fuckwad you are.

I smelled pot in the hallway the other day so I called the police. I don't care if people want to smoke pot, they just aren't going to do it in my hotel while I'm on duty.

I think that my friends here in A2 think that *I* deserve that award sometimes

I'm wondering if I am being too moody sometimes, reacting too strongly to things. I just want to reserve the right to be pissed off at things. Like how I am annoyed by the fact that the Get Fuzzy feed gets like 30 comments as soon as it is posted. I like reading comments sometimes, but only when they aren't all about creating icons, or another person's icon, or about how cute sachel is. Frankly, the plethora of stupid comments just drown out any clever comments made maybe by me or others and make reading the comment thread really annoying. So why did I read them? Its because I like a sense of community and I like to talk about funny things.

Sometimes, things anger my political bone, for instance, when I do a Live Journal search for fun (because there is nothing else to do) and I find a stupid political cartoon, blaming the MEDIA for the Iraqi Prisoner scandal. Alternatly, things I normally check irritate me, like this week's "Say Something Funny" in the AV Club. It's not funny at all and represents a serious problem with the Onion, its lack of being cutting edge anymore. The column this week basically says that its funny that Americans are angry when polititains lie to us about taking us into a meaningless war that got over 500 Americans KILLED, wasted billions of tax dollars and turned a scary but stable country into a scary AND unstable country. Most polititians lie about stuff that does not create that, and I am tired of hearing that polititians are supposed to lie. Some polititians, the good ones, don't lie, but I digress.

But my problem is not that I am pissed, but that when I talk about how I am pissed, I am told why I am wrong to be angry. That is not at all what I want, I want someone to say "Jeez, yeah" and then talk about an equally aggravating moment.

Can I reserve the right to be pissed at stuff and not told why I shouldn't be pissed? Is it asking too much if I want my friends to agree with me unless I am horribly terribly wrong or asking to be placated? I'm tired of complaining about being pissed and then being told that I a) complain all the time or b) just shouldn't do the things that have the remotest possibility of pissing me off, like its my fault that people are stupid. I just want the right to be irritated and not be told that what I am feeling is wrong.

Ok, I vote that Signe be named Crybaby of the Year. :-) You realize you had FUN last night, right? So...therefore we (the Girlz) were right, and you (Signe) are wrong. Next time, quit fighting and arguing everything we say just for the sake of doing so. You miss out, Sissy-ass. :-)

I have the biggest hickies of my life right now, right on my neck, right in plain view. They'll look lovely in my graduation photos. I can't wait to answer all the questions from my parents and my family and Mrs. Jillian and such.

Here's the story: Amanda Senn came to visit last night. Amanda Senn visiting = revelry and debauchery. We started drinking at 5:00. I had a half pitcher of margaritas (that's FIVE margaritas, ladies) and 1 1/2 Smirnoff Ices...BEFORE we went to the bar. (I had somewhere between 10 and 11 drinks last night, including a shot of something Eric Miller and Stacy gave me, promising it would taste like Sweet Tarts. It didn't. I usually trust Eric; he makes/orders me the best drinks ever...but not last night.)

Anyway. The hickies. (I know. This is a lot for your kids to take in. Sorry. Ask Erica; I called her at about midnight. I called Ingie too. She was real fucking amused.) Jillian pinned me down in Chris & Eric's lawn, and Amanda Senn crawled on top and sucked on my neck for what felt like forever. I was rather pissed off at those two. :( Now I look like the biggest slut in the world, and my "whorishness" will be commemorated in my fucking graduation pictures. "Here grandma, sorry you can't be here, but we took some photos. What? No, those aren't bruises." It sucks.

Anyway. 10 drinks and no hangover. Yay for me. 10 drinks, and I still went to work afterward and wrote a coherent final. (I just re-read it, since it's due at 3; I'm not embarrassed. My only changes to it were minor.) Jilly, on the other hand, had to sleep with a plastic bucket next to her bed. :) I'm the best drinker in the world. Andrew says I didn't even look or sound drunk, except for an hour or so in the middle. And I didn't FEEL drunk either, at least not mentally. I stood up once and thought I was going to fall over, but other than that...I was good.

Good job, Sig. :)

Funny story: Ingie talked to my mom the other day and told her that we'd had a drink together at The Joynt (our hippie bar), which we had. My mother was upset, but NOT because my underage sister used a fake ID to get into the bar. She was upset because I, a responsible person of legal drinking age, went to the bar. Christ. I wasn't drinking pitchers like Ingie was; I had an 8 oz Amaretto Sour. Goddammit, Mom. I wonder what she's going to say when the bottle of Bombay goes into the fridge for the summer and it disappears in barely perceptible intervals. Christ.

OK. Back to work. Procrastination can only be carried on for so long.

Some guy knocked himself out cold on our entry way window at the Quality Inn. And I thought only birds ran into windows.

Yes, Jamie, that's my plan. I plan to run away forever. Actually, I've found that I'm doing quite well in my loveless, boyless existence. It took a while (the having-my-heart-ripped-out-my-ass thing, as Erica so eloquently put it, did a number on me), but I'm fine - better than fine - these days. Honestly, if I still had that boy things would be completely different for me right now. Let me make a list:

1. I wouldn't have applied for grad schools so frickin' far away, but HE would have applied to schools all over the country one year later, and HE would have gotten in, and HE would have left me.

2. I would have to spend my birthdays wondering why the hell it's so damn hard for him to pick up the goddamn phone - or even drop an email - to say "Happy goddamn birthday." (That's right, kids...he managed to forget a fucking 4th of July birthday.) Oh my god. I was SOOOO low maintenance. I just wanted a damn email. No visit, no present...

3. I would have to scrounge rides to Madison all the frickin' time, because (at least, in the last year or so) HE never tried to find a ride to ME.

4. I would be living my life hating and fearing his mean-ass bitch-of-a-mother, especially now that his dad isn't around to offset her. There would be nobody left to treat my like a human being in that house. (Not that there would have been anyway; Dr. Henry left them. Good for him, though...he should have done that much earlier.)

OK, this list could be a lot longer, but I have to go move my car. My meter expired about five minutes ago. Shit.

Contemplative Question of the Day:

Why is love so scary? Subquestion: Why have we all begun to think of it as an enemy rather than a gift?

I'm not being sappy here, I'm really actually curious. I mean, there's the obvious answer of "You can get hurt," and most people have gotten hurt on account of it, but we get hurt from falling off of our bikes and skinning our knees as kids and we still get back on. Granted, it takes a lot longer for a heart to heal, it's not a flesh wound that will close up and show just a faint white scar after a few days, it's definitely more potent than that. However, the very resilience we have to such things as cuts and scrapes can be measured in the regular, every-day abuses, too. But it's funny how fear can really fuck you over much more than the act of love itself. Signe lives in constant fear of needles and doctors and hospitals (I feel the same about the latter two) and what would be the result if we didn't see the doctor? I for one found out that I have a gallstone that's been in there for God knows how long, and if we didn't have vaccinations we'd be dead. Maybe in fear we actually kill ourselves, destroy our happiness by fearing its temporariness. It's understandable to be afraid, but are you going to run away forever?

Check out Jacob's MoBlog - pictures he takes with his camera phone are posted here. I didn't know he took a picture of Abe Lincoln with the camera phone - it's there, though :)

Speaking of stupid things, someone either let their rabbit take a shit in the second floor women's bathroom in the Grad Library (where I work) or they dropped brown colored vitamin tablets on the floor. It's probably the latter but I'm too scared that it is the former to really look.

Graduation turned out ok! :) The ceremony was really nice, lots of huge flower arrangements and the speakers were all great! The President of Ohio State gave our address and was an honorary degree recipient. She was a Professor here before becoming President! So I didn't trip and lots of people yelled for me when they called my name! Alice Friend, she was at my wedding, yelled HENKE at the top of her lungs :) Joanie Hammer had almost $100 in a pool if she tripped, but she chickened out! One girl did a little shimmy across the stage. Some of the students received their diploma from their parents, if the parents worked for the college. That was really touching!

At the beginning the students walked down in pairs and then we parted and the faculty walked through us. In the end the faculty parted and honored us - it was weird getting hugs from professors, especially those who I've despised in the past years! Then I made it to the top of the hill and my dad had more tears than I've seen combined in all my life. (I didn't cry until at the party when everyone made me make a toast and I got a little choked up!)

Get this - Abe Lincoln was at my graduation! I swear to God! This guy looked exactly like him! Jacob snuck a few pictures, so once he gets them on his website I'll post a link!

Anyways, I'm still super pissed that people who RSVP-ed called and cancelled, I have so many freaking brats, hamburgers, and condiments - we'll be eating them the next few weeks!

So I have a diploma completely in Latin and the only thing I really recognize is my name and Ripon College :) But it looks pretty fancy! I also have a nice suntan line in the middle of my forehead in a triangle like shape! Everyone else got really nice sun burns, thanks to the black heavy robe I had to wear my face, ears, and between my knees and ankles are burnt! I got lots of nice cards and enough money to start purchasing stuff for my classroom! :) Jacob and I are going to go shopping later this week at some of the educational places - I'm excited, and yeah I know I'm a dork! Oh yeah, this is a little different but I received a Princess House, silver, serving spoon - different, huh?! :)

I've discovered new, previously unplumbed, depths of stupidity. At the Quality Inn we have an outer door, which is usually closed, and an inner door, which is usually propped open against a large glass window. People have no trouble operating the outer door, but they have a great deal of difficulty with the inner door. People come into the entryway, unprop the inner door, watch it close, and then try to walk through the glass window. The other night a lady came in, removed the doorstop, watched the door swing shut, and then stared stupidly at the glass window until Justin helped her. It makes me wonder how such individuals are able to dress themselves every morning.

When I called home, my dad told me that Jolene was in the emergency room with some kind of problem in her intestinal area. Initially they figured that it was kidney stone, then they checked for appendicitis and finally found that it was some kind of viral intestinal problem. All she can do anymore is vomit, she can't eat at all and she has to be at home now for a few weeks while she recovers. I really hope that this is in no way linked to her problem with auto-immune disorders (her diabetes, thyroid problem and sometimes odd skin pigmentation)

I also have a dilemma because I had that fight with her back in early march and have not talked with her a lot since. I'm not tried to avoid her, but she is not taking any extraordinary steps to reach me. Since then I also feel like our relationship has shifted from friends to acquaintances. There’s nothing I can do about all of that really, the ball is in her court and it is her turn to come to me. Its just that times like these make me nervous that she is going to die and we won't ever be able to have a close relationship again.

I would tell her how I feel, but I feel like if I did that, and if I told her what I wanted her to do, that her reaction would not be heartfelt. I now really understand what women mean when they say things like "you should know how I feel" It's not just playing around, its a real feeling and a desire to get a real, heartfelt reaction. It is just a very hard place to be right now. I don't feel like I can say anything. I do care about her a lot, and I am very concerned, but I never feel like she cares about me. Even when I just got home from the hospital, mom and dad told me that Jolene might feel guilty, I told her that she shouldn't feel that way, and almost instantly she said that she didn't. I am sort of glad that she doesn't feel guilty, but I didn't feel any kind of sorrow for what almost happened to me. I just feel like she doesn't care about me at all, and I'd tell her that, but then I would feel like she is just pretending to care, and that’s not what I want either.

Change of plans for this weekend - I'm not going to the receptions anymore as my parents won't be coming and it'd be kind of stupid to go to a reception alone as it's for me and MY PARENTS. Oh well, i already said my good byes and stuff - the ones that matter at least! Anyways, if you girls still want I'd love to visit with everyone Saturday - anytime before 5 - I'm going out to eat with my family! Let me know if I should be expecting anyone!!

No, it's just that he's reading it. Hi, Bryan. :-Þ

"I miss Bryan and the Girlz."

Damn. A month (less?) and he's already more important than us. :(

Just kidding.

And yes, I do like those mullets.

I'm in the school library, writing some bullshit drivel about Tennyson's bitchfest and lamentation over his hot homosexual lover in "In Memoriam," therefore I decided to take a moment out of my stress to people-watch. I wonder if they feel as crybaby-flavored as I do right now. I see some girl with glasses and stringy hair that probably collects porcelain horses...a pretty girl with an aqua halter top and blonde-streaked hair that no doubt gets semi-decent grades so she can remain leader of her sorority....ooh, there's a Mullet, Signe. :-) Hmm...there's a boy, looks like a future law student and/or yuppie WallStreeter...(I'm envisioning a Christian Bale-like figure ala American Psycho.) Here comes a hippie with his Nalgene bottle of water and invisible cloud of patchoulie...I think I need some caffeine. I miss Bryan and The Girlz and life outside the sanitized white of the library walls. I'm a terrible scholar, I am.

I finally found a job, I guess! I'm the activity aid at a nursing home! Weird, huh?! I organize and lead whatever sorts of activities I or the old people want! It's about a half hour drive from Ripon and full time through out the summer and then I can work part time or train someone else if I want to after this summer. Little nervous, I never have been very fond of nursing homes, and death scares me, but not as much as dead bodies do. Maybe I'll get over all my fears and everything from this! Exciting news, anyway, I thought I'd be bored and unemployed all summer!

Playing with Abe was pretty fun, Lise. His daughter is almost four years old, and he's rich enough that he didn't think twice about buying me lunch. We just hung out, went to the park...all the old "hanging out with Abe" stuff. He even suggested (facetiously, of course) that we drive to Belt's. :)

As for this weekend...I have no idea what's going on. I don't think anyone really does. It seems that we're playing it by ear. If anyone has any more info on this weekend, then that person should let the rest of us know what's going on!!!

I'm with you about hating new things Urs!

How was playing with Abe, Sig?

Also, you girls were saying stuff about coming here on Saturday the 15th to visit and I was wondering what was up with that. My parents are meeting Jacob and I in Appleton at Sam's in the morning to get food and party stuff and then we're having lunch with my aunt and uncle at noon, and then I have academic receptions for the ed. department at 1 and then my history reception starts immediately following at 2:30. Then I guess there's this President's Address that I need to be at from 4 until 5:30. Bacc. Service is then at 7, I think, and I need to be there at 6:15. So as much as I'd love to see you girls things are kind of really super busy this weekend and I can't really skip out on my own graduation! Sorry!!!

I'm busy looking for a job - anyone know anyone around Ripon/Oshkosh/Fond du Lac/Berlin/Green Lake - anywhere - let me know!!!! I miss you all! Love you girls!

New Rule:

Anybody that is incapable of speaking without a slur and/or smells like a booze factory is NOT allowed to come into the restaurant and harass me.

I hate white trash, horrible as that sounds.

I detest papers.

Aidan rocks. Here's my contribution for the day:


Yep.

woah, what the fuck just happened to blogger? I think that I like it, but its new and I usually hate new things at first

I've been reading Lady Chatterley's Lover, and damn.

I mean, I'm not naive, and the book WAS banned when it was published, but for DH Lawrence to use the C-U-Next-Tuesday word is like...a big deal. I feel so dirty reading it. :-)

Last night at the hotel the police came in looking for people from five different hotel rooms. One of our guests had checked in under a name that was not his own, but gave us his driver's license to copy. That was convenient when the police wanted to know who was actually in the room so they could arrest him. Nobody else was arrested, but the cops got lots of free coffee so I think that makes up for it.

In case anybody cares, I'm going to be playing with our very own Abraham Barnes on Saturday. Can you believe that his daughter is almost four years old? Holy shit.

"This guy came in and handed me a ten-dollar bill and told me to 'pass it on to someone who needed it more than me.' So I kept it. I felt that person was me."--Erica

"What are you reading? Lawrence? Wasn't he a...LIMEY, Jamie?"--my father

Why do I surround myself with degenerates? Oh yeah, because they're funny. :-)

Yes, Erica, your guess would [probably] be correct. I just can't figure out what sort of game he's trying to play this time. It's kind of fun to analyze the kid, don't you think?


PS: He sent me a CD too. You can imagine.

You would be correct in that guess, Erica. :-)

I would tell them that smoking pot does not improve their poetry skills. I think I can guess who wrote this.

If someone sent you this, what would you make of it?


A Little Difference

Listening to Radiohead at 9:35 p.m.
makes the night sky look different.
It's not like big elephants come
raining down like some edited scene
from The Wizard of Oz or Alice in Wonderland,
but certainly different;
that weird sort of difference,
you know ... the kind only you can notice,
and the rest of the world is oblivious to the whole thing.

So today is my last day of classes - at least at Ripon College. Last night was my last History Senior Seminar. This one guy brought a full brass band in for his presentation - music in the Civil War - he had an awesome presentation! Anyways, at the end of class our overly zealous professor, obsessed with African History, gave the usual speach: blah blah blah, the history department will miss you all ... you're the best group of majors we've had in a long time .... make sure to check in and let us know how you're doing. We all gather our things and get ready to go and he asks us to wait and starts clapping at us. We were like ok, thanks?! Then he invited us to applaude him ... so we did. Then he proceeds to tell us he's going on a 2 year leave and might not come back and he'll never forget us and blah blah blah the tears started to flow!! Can you believe that?! Anyways, it was definitely a little weird! So guess what?! I AM DONE WITH RIPON!! Kind of, I have to student teach next semester but that only entails meeting with a seminar class once a week and I'm doing my placements in Berlin and Princeton - smaller than Port Edwards.

So, was I a good-looking dancer, or just so-so?

Erica was a Fair Dancer in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Sig: That thing about boys your professor said rings true. My motivation is fear of failure. Besides, my dad is always on my case about sitting up straight.

Ursula: I don't know why men think they get to have a say in whether abortion is legal or not. If you don't have a uterus, you don't get a say. What worries me is the case recently where a woman was going to be charged with murder because she delayed her C-section and one of her twins died. Instead she just got charged with child endagerment, but is still going to spend time in prison. Here's the thing. If I don't want a medical procedure to be performed on me I have the right to say no, as I am over the age of 18. The way I see it, the courts have violated this woman's rights and disguised it with child protection. It makes me scared to have children because if something goes wrong during birth and I vote to save my life instead of the child's (which I would, since I could always crap out another one or adopt), I could theoretically go to prison for that. That's a load of horseshit, and I'm surprised that more people aren't angry about this.